Flashback Post: Death of a Salesman

*I originally wrote this blog post back in Sept. 2008 on an old blog, but I’ve just read that these salespeople are still at it and I’m actually quite fond of this blog post, so I thought I’d post it again. Enjoy my old-self snark, and please don’t hold it against me. *

 

A little known fact about our household is the fact that we give almost all door-to-door salespeople a chance. We’ve generally been very lucky in who has knocked on our door and end up purchasing whatever they are selling (2 home alarm systems and the encyclopedia books for Big’s birthday were all from D2D people). And then Justin came a-knockin’, though from now on, I’ll call him by his official name: Poor Justin.

The question was easy: Do you want your carpets cleaned for free?

The Hubby and I had been talking within the last week about cleaning the area rug in our family room, so it was a no brainer! I told Poor Justin to come back at 6, after dinner, but a full hour before bedtime.

At 5:50, the doorbell rang and Justin and Xavier were at the door with a Kirby in hand. Great. A vacuum sales pitch. My favorite.

Xavier did most of the talking, trying to relate to us because he had a kid too and because he was in his mid-thirties (does that really qualify for a handshake? I mean, really?). He had his pitch down pat, telling us that a simple “yes” or “no” would be acceptable and that they a “big boys” and can handle it. He then excused himself telling Poor Justin to “take good care of them, you hear?”

Poor Justin then proceeded to show us the wonders of the NASA designed engine (seriously) by collecting MASSIVE amounts of dirt, hair, and dust out of the area rug. It was indeed impressive. But no matter the amount of dirt, hair and dust pulled out of the rug would make the $2500 (yes, i said that right) pricetag acceptable for a single-income, 2-student loan, 1 toddler, 2 car payments, 2 dogs, etc (you get the idea, right?) household. (note from present day self: the $2500 pricetag is still INSANE for a single-income, 1 student loan, 1 Kindergartener, 1 toddler, 1 baby-on-the-way, 2 dog household. In-sane.)

Then Poor Justin got a phonecall. Convenient. They were sending in Stupid Victor. Yay. When I saw Stupid Victor bounding up my frontwalk (I’m talking Tigger-type Bounding. He annoyed me before he walked through the door), my heart dropped. I looked at my watch. 7:15. 85 minutes since they walked in my house and I had exactly 1/8th of my carpet vacuumed (not even cleaned!).

Stupid Victor, the shrewed salesman that he is at the ripe old age of 18, proceeded to tell me my $500 Dyson was just a broom, that I was an idiot for paying so much for a vacuum (how DARE you say “WOW! That’s expensive!” when you are trying to sell me something 5xs as much. Tool), and repeatedly talked to me like I was a child. *scoff*

I had had enough after 30 minutes of him. He asked me some asinine question about the quality of the craftsmanship of my current “broom”, to which I replied “I’m not the expert, so I don’t know, but I am quite tired of you talking to me like a 4 year old. It’s the end of a long day and it’s past my baby’s bedtime”.

Stupid Victor nods like he actually listened to my mini-rant and continued to talk down to me. Grrrr…

When he finally got to the part about how I would want to pay for a Kirby (did I mention the $2500 pricetag??), I told he we would not be buying one because we are not willing to use a credit card to purchase one (note from present day self: This was a full YEAR before we started with Dave Ramsey! Boo-Yah!) I told him, in no uncertain terms, that unless he wanted to trade me for my “broom”, and call it even, we were not interested. He said “No, I mean some paper form of payment”.

I told him I’d give him the manual that came with my Dyson. No Joke. I did! I was so irritated that, at the time, I didn’t think it was funny… it was just true. The Hubby even said something to the effect of “damn! that was awesome”. Yeah. I’m awesome…

So, after a long, stupid phonecall to “his boss”, that he just reiterated everything they said to me and vice versa, Stupid Victor left (*happy dance!!*). After saying goodbye to me, and The Hubby and Big (who The Hubby had taken into the bathroom to brush teeth and sit on the toilet! Who seeks out a homeowner in the bathroom???) he walked out the door, he said to Poor Justin, “take good care of them, you hear?”. They really should vary the script.

The second the door hit Stupid Victor on the ass, I told Poor Justin, who incidentally was on his THIRD day of being a D2D salesguy, “would you like a hint as to how to make a sale?”. He answered “Don’t be like him?”. Yeah. Be the opposite of him.

So, Poor Justin finished our carpet (it looks pretty good!) and left…at 8:45pm. 5 minutes shy of 3 hours.

Did I mention the rug is 5×8?

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3 thoughts on “Flashback Post: Death of a Salesman

  1. Same thing happened to us. Our salesman was wearing alligator boots, had a gold tooth and a gold earring in one ear. Was pissy when we said 2,900 dollars was insane, and made the comment “Well do you know anyone interested who has a job, cell phone and a car??” We refused to let him leave it in our home over night, but he insisted even after telling him our neighborhood has had several robberies lately. (god why did my mom let him in?????) We were persistent and made him take the vacuum. We told him if we were interested we would call him, and the next day he came back twice, once at 7:30 at night! We didn’t answer the door and I’m reading horror stories online and am seriously paranoid and afraid this slimeball will come back and rob or harass us.

  2. I wonder how many “don’t be like him” people are in our lives for that very reason- to teach us how *not* to be. Just wondering… just a ponder.

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