I’m gonna take out a
newspaper ad Craigslist ad that will read the following:
Mom-o-3 seeks a friend, not a soul mate (got one) for
regularly occurring coffee dates.
Big heart, open mind, and sincerity a must.
When asked “how are you?”, doesn’t default to “tired”.
Jesus follower a big plus.
Men, need not apply (got one).
Sometimes, despite the constant whirl of husband, dogs, and kids in my life, I feel so alone. I think it’s a girl thing. The Hubby just doesn’t understand. In fact, I think he’s a little offended that I want a “BFF” (and I promise to never use that term again) that isn’t him.
In my life, I’ve had a number of girlfriends that would have filled the above ad perfectly. One is a single without kids and works like a mad woman. One is married and living 45 minutes away in The City, which is more like worlds away. One moved to Utah. One moved to England. One passed away last year.
It’s not that I haven’t tried to connect. I’ve let people in, only to find out that they’d rather spend our time together talking smack about other people. Or to find out that they already have a “coffeemate”. Or our schedules are “too busy”/ conflict, or they move. Even in my closest circle of faith-friends, I am the loner.
I’ve NEVER been the loner.
Is it the enemy trying to make me feel unworthy. Is it a test of my faith, knowing God will bring someone into my life that we just… well… we just are.
Is God telling me something? Is He giving me a husband that loves me even on my worst day (though I know he has to put in effort. Those days are rough, to say the least.) instead of a go-to gal? Is he giving me my girlfriends in the form of three daughters (though I am not one of those parents that tries desperately to be “friends” with my kids. I am their mother.). Is He suggesting that my coffee is most enjoyable when I am focused on Him and what He intends for me?
As grateful as I am for all He has given me in this life, I can’t help but wonder why my heart feels so sad at the thought of not having a BFF (I know, I swore I wouldn’t use it again, but it really does fit nicely!). Is that a desire He gave me? To connect? To love with reckless abandon? Is He testing my patience? My perseverance? My ability to be “alone”?
So, I start a new day. I welcome the plans God has for me. I welcome the people He will put in my path. I keep my heart open to loving, to learning, and to leaning on a girlfriend who genuinely understands what it’s like to be *insert personality trait/ lifestyle* Mom.
And I remain faithful.