WANTED: Coffeemate

I’m gonna take out a newspaper ad Craigslist ad that will read the following:

WANTED: Coffeemate

Mom-o-3 seeks a friend, not a soul mate (got one) for

regularly occurring coffee dates.

Big heart, open mind, and sincerity a must.

When asked “how are you?”, doesn’t default to “tired”.

Jesus follower a big plus.

Men, need not apply (got one).

Sometimes, despite the constant whirl of husband, dogs, and kids in my life, I feel so alone. I think it’s a girl thing. The Hubby just doesn’t understand. In fact, I think he’s a little offended that I want a “BFF” (and I promise to never use that term again) that isn’t him.

In my life, I’ve had a number of girlfriends that would have filled the above ad perfectly. One is a single without kids and works like a mad woman. One is married and living 45 minutes away in The City, which is more like worlds away. One moved to Utah. One moved to England. One passed away last year.

It’s not that I haven’t tried to connect. I’ve let people in, only to find out that they’d rather spend our time together talking smack about other people. Or to find out that they already have a “coffeemate”. Or our schedules are “too busy”/ conflict, or they move. Even in my closest circle of faith-friends, I am the loner.

I’ve NEVER been the loner.

Is it the enemy trying to make me feel unworthy. Is it a test of my faith, knowing God will bring someone into my life that we just… well… we just are. 

Is God telling me something? Is He giving me a husband that loves me even on my worst day (though I know he has to put in effort. Those days are rough, to say the least.) instead of a go-to gal? Is he giving me my girlfriends in the form of three daughters (though I am not one of those parents that tries desperately to be “friends” with my kids. I am their mother.). Is He suggesting that my coffee is most enjoyable when I am focused on Him and what He intends for me?

As grateful as I am for all He has given me in this life, I can’t help but wonder why my heart feels so sad at the thought of not having a BFF (I know, I swore I wouldn’t use it again, but it really does fit nicely!). Is that a desire He gave me? To connect? To love with reckless abandon? Is He testing my patience? My perseverance? My ability to be “alone”?

So, I start a new day. I welcome the plans God has for me. I welcome the people He will put in my path. I keep my heart open to loving, to learning, and to leaning on a girlfriend who genuinely understands what it’s like to be *insert personality trait/ lifestyle* Mom.

And I remain faithful.


12 thoughts on “WANTED: Coffeemate

  1. I made a huge move across country to be with my fella. It wasn’t a hard decision to make but it was hard leaving the friends I have had for the last 10 or more years. I have yet to find many new friends here and constantly tell my boyfriend that I feel I am just to old to put up with other peoples drama. I want friends that I can have a REAL conversation with…not ones that choose to gossip and complain constantly. Good true friends are so hard to find. That craigslist idea might not be a bad one!!

  2. This is a prayer of mine too. I have never heard anyone share the same prayer, but it is comforting to know I am not alone seeking a “BFF”. You nailed this post!

  3. This is a brilliant idea! I can’t tell you the last time I’ve had a BFF! I moved out to CA 10 years ago Met my husband (my high school sweetheart) got married two years after high school and not even a full year of being married found out we were pregnant. I haven’t had a “girlfriend” since I moved out here and Love the idea of trying to connect with someone other than my husband and kids.(Not that I don’t love them or feel connected but I totally understand the statement of being lonely despite the fact that you are surrounded by a family.) Good Luck and I hope you get your coffemate! I know I’ll be looking for one too! 🙂

  4. I feel you and I’ll be your “coffeemate” anytime!!!!!
    Does your church have MOPS? I feel like my MOPS group has saved my sanity some days. I love that I have other women/Moms/wives that I can connect with.
    I adore my son but being a Mom can sometimes be lonely.
    I love my husband but there has to be more – I feel like a good girlfriend is what makes you a better wife, mother and friend….

    • I did MOPS at our church when Middle was itty bitty, but I found it didn’t go as deep as I wanted it to. My Ladies Bible Study has done that for me, but I’ve had to miss out on the last session because it started at exactly the same time as Big’s school (same with MOPS), but was 20 minutes away. I always missed the fellowship part of MOPS and had to sit with my back to the speaker, EVERY TIME. I just wasn’t enjoyable.

      I have some amazing women in my life. I hope you all don’t think that I’m not thankful for my friends (especially if you *are* my friend IRL). There is just that *thing* missing… When I feel the spark, if you will, something always gets in the way. It’s such a tease.

      • I feel the same way. Living out in the middle of nothing does not help. I tried to seek new friends even a new church in our area but no one is here. No one seeks God like I to. No one is here. I feel like I am on island alone, It gets very lonely. Mops and ladies bible study are 45 minutes away. All I have is my hubby and kids.

  5. Your really not alone in your quest. I’ve often felt the same way.

    My husband and I have horses and I tell him most everything but there are sometimes where I just wish I had a girl friend to share those personal things with. I don’t care about what the Jones’ are doing or who’s pregnant or whose splitting up…I really don’t even want to talk about currant events. I got rid of TV this year. Sometimes, I just want to talk about the changes of life or just share a personal thought about family or lack there of….or sometimes get some encouraging words to help push me through my diet struggles….but just a friend to go have coffee with…or even an appetizer.

    So…I guess misery loves company….well, not really…

    • Sometimes, I just want to talk about the changes of life or just share a personal thought about family or lack there of….or sometimes get some encouraging words to help push me through my {diet] struggles

      This is what keeps me talking to God on a regular basis. I wonder if He’s purposefully keeping me in this place to make sure I don’t forget Him.

      It’s also why I write this blog. I write about things on my heart, and I’m always uplifted to find I’m not alone.

  6. Sounds vaguely familiar on my end too. One thing I failed to realize when traveling for my job and Melissa and I moving out west was that it is hard to meet and engage with others out here. Nearly one year later, and I have yet to meet a BFF out here, other than Melissa herself (does she count).. *sigh*..

    Hang in there!

    • could it be we’re searching for something that doesn’t exist? I mean, how lucky are we that we found *anyone* to be able to tell our innermosts to! Is it too much to find more than one?

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